The following is a folk ballad based on a true story, composed by Kate and Mel over a campfire one starry night in China. Best sung to the accompaniment of a harmonica, spoons, and Tibetan chanting, preferably after you haven’t showered for 20 days, washed your clothes for 30, and are beginning to look and smell like a yak (see above: Kate on left, Mel on right.) Our pal Mark Bethune later put these words to a tune, check out his version of this cult classic.
Oh the road is long and the road is tough,
Been ridin’ fo days and I’m feelin’ so rough.
I ain’t got no food, I ain’t got no money,
20 yuan a day just ain’t enough, honey.
Four months in the saddle, a million miles from home,
The backroads of China are the trails I roam.
From the mountains to the desert and all the spaces in between,
These lands are purty, but these lands are mean.
And though I’m feelin’ down on luck,
It would all be better if I could get unstuck
that hundred dollar bill in my handlebar.
It all began when I decided to stash
my photocopied documents and a hundred dollars cash.
I thought I knew a secret spot that would suffice:
the hollow metal tubing of my bike’s steering device!
So I wrapped the bill up and I stuffed the bill in,
Never dreamin’ that my finances would become so grim.
Some wild nights in Lhasa ate up all my dough,
Now my tummy’s a screamin’ and I’ve no place to go.
And though I’m feelin’ down on luck,
It would all be better if I could get unstuck
that hundred dollar bill in my handlebar.
I’ve tried to get it out usin’ every damn tool,
But the money’s still stuck and I’m still the fool.
So it’s noodles for dinner and hard dirt for a bed,
As I ride this piggy bank down the long road ahead.
And though I’m feelin’ down on luck,
It would all be better if I could get unstuck
that bloody hundred bucks from my handlebar.
